Carmen

“It wasn’t no ‘she,’ ” says the Missus. “We’re talkin’ about the bullfighter.”

“I didn’t see no bullfight,” I says.

“It come off behind the scenes,” says the Missus.

“When was you behind the scenes?” I says.

“I wasn’t never,” says my Missus. “But that’s where it’s supposed to come off.”

“Well,” I says, “you can take it from me that it wasn’t pulled. Do you think the mayor’d stand for that stuff when he won’t even leave them stage a box fight? You two girls has got a fine idear o’ this here op’ra!”

“You know all about it, I guess,” says the Missus. “You talk French so good!”

“I talk as much French as you do,” I says. “But not nowheres near as much English, if you could call it that.”

That kept her quiet, but Mrs. Hatch buzzed all the way home, and she was scared to death that the motorman wouldn’t know where she’d been spendin’ the evenin’. And if there was anybody in the car besides me that knowed Carmen it must of been a joke to them hearin’ her chatter. It wasn’t no joke to me though. Hatch’s berth was way off from us and they didn’t nobody suspect him o’ bein’ in our party. I was standin’ right up there with her where people couldn’t help seein’ that we was together.

I didn’t want them to think she was my wife. So I kept smilin’ at her. And when it finally come time to get off I hollered out loud at Hatch and says:

“All right, Hatch! Here’s our street. Your Missus’ll keep you awake the rest o’ the way with her liberetto.”