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Three Kings and a Pair

“I think they’s some crackers in the house,” she says.

“Prob’ly,” says I. “We’re usually that way⁠—overstocked. You don’t seem to realize that our household goods is only insured for a thousand.”

About one o’clock I went to sleep from sheer weakness. About one-thirty the Missus shook me and woke me up.

“We win, Joe!” she says, all excited. “I think Bishop and Bess is engaged!”

“Win!” says I. “Say, if you was a Frenchman you’d have a big celebration every anniversary o’ the Battle o’ Waterloo.”

“I was goin’ out in the kitchen to get a drink,” she says. “Bess was home, but I didn’t know it. And when I was comin’ back from the kitchen I happened to glance in the livin’ room. And I seen Bishop kiss her! Isn’t it great!”

“Yes,” I says. “But I wisht she’d of had Archibald fix up her lips.”

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