He replied unhesitatingly: “In this matter, madame, I should never consider the merit, always disputable, of the candidates, but their age and their state of health. I should not ask about their credentials, but their disease. I should not seek to learn whether they have made a metrical translation of Lope de Vega, but I should take care to obtain information as to the state of their liver, their heart, their lungs, and their spinal marrow. For me a good hypertrophy, a good aneurism, and above all, a good beginning of locomotor ataxy, would be a hundred times more valuable than forty volumes of disgressions on the idea of patriotism as embodied in barbaric poetry.”
An astonished silence followed this opinion, and Madame Walter asked with a smile: “But why?”
He replied: “Because I never seek aught else than the pleasure that any one can give the ladies. But, Madame, the Academy only has any real interest for you when an Academician dies. The more of them die the happier you must be. But in order that they may die quickly they must be elected sick and old.” As they still remained somewhat surprised, he continued. “Besides, I am like you, and I like to read of the death of an Academician. I at once ask myself: ‘Who will replace him?’ And I draw up my list. It is a game, a very pretty little game that is played in all Parisian salons at each decease of one of the Immortals, the game of ‘Death and the Forty Fogies.’ ”
The ladies, still slightly disconcerted, began however, to smile, so true were his remarks. He concluded, as he rose: “It is you who really elect them, ladies, and you only elect them to see them die. Choose them old, therefore, very old; as old as possible, and do not trouble yourselves about anything else.”
He then retired very gracefully. As soon as he was gone, one of the ladies said: “He is very funny, that young fellow. Who is he?”