that all these letters merely portray the lofty idealist sorrowing over the frailties of his erring disciples, but let us hear what Weishaupt has to say about himself. In a letter to Marius (Hertel) he writes:
And now in the strictest confidence, a matter near my heart, which robs me of all rest, makes me incapable of anything and drives me to despair. I stand in danger of losing my honour and my reputation which gave me so much power over our people. Think, my sister-in-law is expecting a child.<sup></sup> I have for this purpose sent to Euriphon in Athens to solicit the marriage licence and Promotorial from Rome, you see how much depends on this and that no time must be lost; every minute is precious. But if the dispensation does not arrive, what shall I do? How shall I make amends to the person since I alone am to blame? We have already tried several ways to get rid of the child; she herself was resolved for anything. But Euriphon is too timid and yet I see no other expedient, if I could ensure the silence of Celsus he could help me and indeed he already promised me this three years ago....<sup></sup> If you can help me out of this dilemma, you will give me back life, honour, peace and power to work.... I do not know what devil led me astray, I who always in these circumstances took extreme precautions.<sup></sup>
A little later Weishaupt writes again: