Union and Progress
Had not Khalid in his retirement touched his philosophic raptures with a little local colouring, had he not given an account of his tramping tour in the Lebanons, the hiatus in Shakib’s Histoire Intime could not have been bridged. It would have remained, much to our vexation and sorrow, somewhat like the ravine in which Khalid almost lost his life. But now we return, after a year’s absence, to our Scribe, who at this time in Baalbek is soldering and hammering out rhymes in praise of Niazi and Enver, Abdul Hamid and the Dustur (Constitution).
“When Khalid, after his cousin’s marriage, suddenly disappeared from Baalbek,” writes he, “I felt that something had struck me violently on the brow, and everything around me was dark. I could not withhold my tears: I wept like a child, even like Khalid’s mother. I remember he would often speak of suicide in those days. And on the evening of that fatal day we spent many hours discussing the question. ‘Why is not one free to kill himself,’ he finally asked, ‘if one is free to become a Jesuit?’ But I did not believe he was in earnest. Alas, he was. For on the morning of the following day, I went up to his tent on the roof and found nothing of Khalid’s belongings but a pamphlet on the subject, ‘Is Suicide a Sin?’ and right under the title the monosyllable la (no) and his signature. The frightfulness of his intention stood like a spectre before me. I clapped one hand upon the other and wept. I made inquiries in the city and in the neighbouring places, but to no purpose. Oh, that dreadful, dismal day, when everywhither I went something seemed to whisper in my heart, ‘Khalid is no more.’ It was the first time in my life that I felt the pangs of separation, the sting of death and sorrow. The days and months passed, heartlessly confirming my conjecture, my belief.