Connie was aware, however, of a growing restlessness. Out of her disconnection, a restlessness was taking possession of her like madness. It twitched her limbs when she didn’t want to twitch them. It jerked her spine when she didn’t want to jerk upright but preferred to rest comfortably. It thrilled inside her body, in her womb, somewhere, till she felt she must jump into water and swim to get away from it; a mad restlessness. It made her heart beat violently for no reason. And she was getting thinner.
It was just restlessness. She would rush off across the park, and abandon Clifford, and lie prone in the bracken. To get away from the house … she must get away from the house and everybody. The wood was her one refuge, her sanctuary.
But it was not really a refuge, a sanctuary, because she had no connection with it. It was only a place where she could get away from the rest. She never really touched the spirit of the wood itself … if it had any such nonsensical thing.
Vaguely she knew herself that she was going to pieces in some way. Vaguely she knew she was out of connection: she had lost touch with the substantial and vital world. Only Clifford and his books, which did not exist … which had nothing in them! Void to void. Vaguely she knew. But it was like beating her head against a stone.
Her father warned her again: “Why don’t you get yourself a beau, Connie? Do you all the good in the world.”
That winter Michaelis came for a few days. He was a young Irishman who had already made a large fortune by his plays in America. He had