Yes, exactly, exactly! That is why I am afraid of I-330 ; I struggle against her, I don’t want.⁠ ⁠… But why is it that within me “I don’t want to” and “I want to” stand side by side? That is the chief horror of the matter; I continue to long for that happy death of yesterday. The horror of it is that even now, when I have integrated the logical function, when it becomes evident that the latter contains death hidden in it, nevertheless I long for it with my lips, arms, breast, with every millimeter.⁠ ⁠…

Tomorrow is the Day of Unanimity. She will certainly be there and I shall see her, though from a distance. That distance will be painful to me, for I must be, I am inevitably drawn, close to her, so that her hands, her shoulder, her hair.⁠ ⁠… I long for even that pain.⁠ ⁠… Let it come.⁠ ⁠… Great Well-Doer! How absurd to desire pain! Who is ignorant of the simple fact that pains are negative items which reduce that sum total we call happiness? Consequently⁠ ⁠… Well, no “consequently”⁠ ⁠… Emptiness.⁠ ⁠… Nakedness!

The Same Evening.