“Thomas Burton is purveyor of cat’s meat to the Lord Mayor and Sheriffs, and several members of the Common Council (the announcement of this gentleman’s name was received with breathless interest). Has a wooden leg; finds a wooden leg expensive, going over the stones; used to wear secondhand wooden legs, and drink a glass of hot gin-and-water regularly every night⁠—sometimes two (deep sighs). Found the secondhand wooden legs split and rot very quickly; is firmly persuaded that their constitution was undermined by the gin-and-water (prolonged cheering). Buys new wooden legs now, and drinks nothing but water and weak tea. The new legs last twice as long as the others used to do, and he attributes this solely to his temperate habits (triumphant cheers).”

“Report of the Committee of the Brick Lane Branch of the United Grand Junction Ebenezer Temperance Association