āHeās right!ā she said; āof course, heās always right; heās a Christian, heās generous! Yes, vile, base creature! And no one understands it except me, and no one ever will; and I canāt explain it. They say heās so religious, so high-principled, so upright, so clever; but they donāt see what Iāve seen. They donāt know how he has crushed my life for eight years, crushed everything that was living in meā āhe has not once even thought that Iām a live woman who must have love. They donāt know how at every step heās humiliated me, and been just as pleased with himself. Havenāt I striven, striven with all my strength, to find something to give meaning to my life? Havenāt I struggled to love him, to love my son when I could not love my husband? But the time came when I knew that I couldnāt cheat myself any longer, that I was alive, that I was not to blame, that God has made me so that I must love and live. And now what does he do? If heād killed me, if heād killed him, I could have borne anything, I could have forgiven anything; but, no, he.ā āā ⦠How was it I didnāt guess what he would do? Heās doing just whatās characteristic of his mean character. Heāll keep himself in the right, while me, in my ruin, heāll drive still lower to worse ruin yet.ā āā ā¦ā
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