My father, as you have observed, had no great esteem for my uncle Toby’s hobbyhorse, he thought it the most ridiculous horse that ever gentleman mounted; and indeed unless my uncle Toby vexed him about it, could never think of it once, without smiling at it⸺so that it could never get lame or happen any mischance, but it tickled my father’s imagination beyond measure; but this being an accident much more to his humour than any one which had yet befall’n it, it proved an inexhaustible fund of entertainment to him.⸺Well⸺but dear Toby! my father would say, do tell me seriously how this affair of the bridge happened.⸺How can you tease me so much about it? my uncle Toby would reply—I have told it you twenty times, word for word as Trim told it me.—Prithee, how was it then, corporal? my father would cry, turning to Trim .—It was a mere misfortune, an’ please your honour;⸺I was showing Mrs. Bridget our fortifications, and in going too near the edge of the fosse, I unfortunately slipp’d in⸺Very well, Trim! my father would cry⸺(smiling mysteriously, and giving a nod—but without interrupting him)⸺and being link’d fast, an’ please your honour, arm in arm with Mrs. Bridget , I dragg’d her after me, by means of which she fell backwards soss against the bridge⸺and Trim’s foot (my uncle Toby would cry, taking the story out of his mouth) getting into the cuvette, he tumbled full against the bridge too.—It was a thousand to one, my uncle Toby would add, that the poor fellow did not break his leg.⸻Ay truly, my father would say⸺a limb is soon broke, brother Toby , in such encounters.⸺And so, an’ please your honour, the bridge, which your honour knows was a very slight one, was broke down betwixt us, and splintered all to pieces.
At other times, but especially when my uncle Toby was so unfortunate as to say a syllable about cannons, bombs, or petards—my father would exhaust all the stores of his eloquence (which indeed were very great) in a panegyric upon the battering-rams of the ancients—the vinea which Alexander made use of at the siege of Troy .—He would tell