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nydus/The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, GentlemanPublic

A man describes his birth and upbringing through the adventures of his family.

Page 764 of 810
Table of Contents

XI

—“They are foolish things;” said my mother.

⸺⁠Particularly the cuvetts ; replied my father.

’Tis enough⁠—he tasted the sweet of triumph⁠—and went on.

—Not that they are, properly speaking, Mrs. Wadman’s premises, said my father, partly correcting himself⁠—because she is but tenant for life⁠⸺⁠

⸺⁠That makes a great difference⁠—said my mother⁠⸺⁠

—In a fool’s head, replied my father⁠⸺⁠

Unless she should happen to have a child⁠—said my mother⁠—

⸺⁠But she must persuade my brother Toby first to get her one⁠—

⸺⁠To be sure, Mr. Shandy , quoth my mother.

⸺⁠Though if it comes to persuasion⁠—said my father⁠—Lord have mercy upon them.

Amen: said my mother, piano .

Amen: cried my father, fortissimè .

Amen: said my mother again⁠⸺⁠but with such a sighing cadence of personal pity at the end of it, as discomfited every fibre about my father⁠—he instantly took out his almanac; but before he could untie it, Yorick’s congregation coming out of church, became a full answer to one half of his business with it⁠—and my mother telling him it was a sacrament day⁠—left him as little in doubt, as to the other part⁠—He put his almanac into his pocket.

The first Lord of the Treasury thinking of ways and means , could not have returned home with a more embarrassed look.

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