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nydus/The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, GentlemanPublic

A man describes his birth and upbringing through the adventures of his family.

Page 512 of 810
Table of Contents

V

maintain it, added he, that a man of sense does not lay down his hat in coming into a room,⁠—or take it up in going out of it, but something escapes, which discovers him.

It is for these reasons, continued my father, that the governor I make choice of shall neither lisp, or squint, or wink, or talk loud, or look fierce, or foolish;⁠⸺⁠or bite his lips, or grind his teeth, or speak through his nose, or pick it, or blow it with his fingers.⁠⸺⁠

He shall neither walk fast,⁠—or slow, or fold his arms,⁠—for that is laziness;⁠—or hang them down,⁠—for that is folly; or hide them in his pocket, for that is nonsense.⁠⸺⁠

He shall neither strike, or pinch, or tickle,⁠—or bite, or cut his nails, or hawk, or spit, or snift, or drum with his feet or fingers in company;⁠⸺⁠nor (according to Erasmus ) shall he speak to anyone in making water,⁠—nor shall he point to carrion or excrement.⁠⸺⁠Now this is all nonsense again, quoth my uncle Toby to himself.⁠⸺⁠

I will have him, continued my father, cheerful, faceté, jovial; at the same time, prudent, attentive to business, vigilant, acute, argute, inventive, quick in resolving doubts and speculative questions;⁠⸺⁠he shall be wise, and judicious, and learned:⁠⸺⁠And why not humble, and moderate, and gentle-tempered, and good? said Yorick :⁠⸺⁠And why not, cried my uncle Toby , free, and generous, and bountiful, and brave?⁠⸺⁠He shall, my dear Toby , replied my father, getting up and shaking him by the hand.⁠—Then, brother Shandy , answered my uncle Toby , raising himself off the chair, and laying down his pipe to take hold of my father’s other hand,⁠—I humbly beg I may recommend poor Le Fever’s son to you;⁠⸺⁠a tear of joy of the first water sparkled in my uncle Toby’s eye, and another, the fellow to it, in the corporal’s, as the proposition was made;⁠⸺⁠you will see why when you read Le Fever’s story:⁠⸺⁠fool that I was! nor can I recollect (nor perhaps you) without

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