My uncle Toby would never offer to answer this by any other kind of argument, than that of whistling half a dozen bars of Lillabullero .⸺You must know it was the usual channel thro’ which his passions got vent, when anything shocked or surprised him:⸺but especially when anything, which he deem’d very absurd, was offered.
As not one of our logical writers, nor any of the commentators upon them, that I remember, have thought proper to give a name to this particular species of argument,—I here take the liberty to do it myself, for two reasons. First, That, in order to prevent all confusion in disputes, it may stand as much distinguished forever, from every other species of argument⸻as the Argumentum ad Verecundiam , ex Absurdo , ex Fortiori , or any other argument whatsoever:⸺And, secondly, That it may be said by my children’s children, when my head is laid to rest,⸺that their learn’d grandfather’s head had been busied to as much purpose once, as other people’s;—That he had invented a name,—and generously thrown it into the Treasury of the Ars Logica , for one of the most unanswerable arguments in the whole science. And, if the end of disputation is more to silence than convince,—they may add, if they please, to one of the best arguments too.
I do therefore, by these presents, strictly order and command, That it be known and distinguished by the name and title of the Argumentum Fistulatorium , and no other;—and that it rank hereafter with the Argumentum Baculinum and the Argumentum ad Crumenam , and forever hereafter be treated of in the same chapter.
As for the Argumentum Tripodium , which is never used but by the woman against the man;—and the Argumentum ad Rem , which, contrarywise, is made use of by the man only against the woman;—As these two are enough in conscience for one lecture;⸺and, moreover, as the one is the best answer to the other,—let them likewise be kept apart, and be treated of in a place by themselves.