From this moment I am to be considered as heir-apparent to the Shandy family⸺and it is from this point properly, that the story of my Life and my Opinions sets out. With all my hurry and precipitation, I have but been clearing the ground to raise the building⸺and such a building do I foresee it will turn out, as never was planned, and as never was executed since Adam . In less than five minutes I shall have thrown my pen into the fire, and the little drop of thick ink which is left remaining at the bottom of my ink-horn, after it—I have but half a score things to do in the time⸺I have a thing to name⸺a thing to lament⸺a thing to hope⸺a thing to promise, and a thing to threaten—I have a thing to suppose—a thing to declare⸺a thing to conceal⸺a thing to choose, and a thing to pray for⸻This chapter, therefore, I name the chapter of Things ⸻and my next chapter to it, that is, the first chapter of my next volume, if I live, shall be my chapter upon whiskers , in order to keep up some sort of connection in my works.
The thing I lament is, that things have crowded in so thick upon me, that I have not been able to get into that part of my work, towards which I have all the way looked forwards, with so much earnest desire; and that is the Campaigns, but especially the amours of my uncle Toby , the events of which are of so singular a nature, and so Cervantick a cast, that if I can so manage it, as to convey but the same impressions to every other brain, which the occurrences themselves excite in my own—I will answer for it the book shall make its way in the world, much better than its master has done before it.⸺Oh Tristram! Tristram! can this but be once brought about⸺the credit, which will attend thee as an author, shall counterbalance the many evils which have befallen thee as a man⸺thou wilt feast upon the one⸺when thou hast lost all sense and remembrance of the other!⸺