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nydus/The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, GentlemanPublic

A man describes his birth and upbringing through the adventures of his family.

Page 324 of 810
Table of Contents

Slawkenbergius’s Tale

⸺⁠It happens otherwise⁠—replied the opponents.⁠⸺⁠

It ought not, said they.

The more curious and intimate inquirers after nature and her doings, though they went hand in hand a good way together, yet they all divided about the nose at last, almost as much as the Faculty itself.

They amicably laid it down, that there was a just and geometrical arrangement and proportion of the several parts of the human frame to its several destinations, offices, and functions which could not be transgressed but within certain limits⁠—that nature, though she sported⁠⸺⁠she sported within a certain circle;⁠—and they could not agree about the diameter of it.

The logicians stuck much closer to the point before them than any of the classes of the literati;⁠⸻they began and ended with the word Nose; and had it not been for a petitio principii, which one of the ablest of them ran his head against in the beginning of the combat, the whole controversy had been settled at once.

A nose, argued the logician, cannot bleed without blood⁠—and not only blood⁠—but blood circulating in it to supply the phænomenon with a succession of drops⁠—(a stream being but a quicker succession of drops, that is included, said he).⁠⸺⁠Now death, continued the logician, being nothing but the stagnation of the blood⁠⸺⁠

I deny the definition⁠⸺⁠Death is the separation of the soul from the body, said his antagonist⁠⸺⁠Then we don’t agree about our weapons, said the logician⁠—Then there is an end of the dispute, replied the antagonist.

The civilians were still more concise: what they offered being more in the nature of a decree⁠⸺⁠than a dispute.

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