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nydus/The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, GentlemanPublic

A man describes his birth and upbringing through the adventures of his family.

Page 225 of 810
Table of Contents

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as I live.⁠⸺⁠My mother gave a groan.⁠⸺⁠Lend me your penknife⁠⸺⁠I must e’en cut the knots at last⁠⸺⁠pugh!⁠⸺⁠psha!⁠—Lord! I have cut my thumb quite across to the very bone⁠⸺⁠curse the fellow⁠—if there was not another man-midwife within fifty miles⁠⸺⁠I am undone for this bout⁠—I wish the scoundrel hang’d⁠—I wish he was shot⁠⸺⁠I wish all the devils in hell had him for a blockhead!⁠⸻

My father had a great respect for Obadiah , and could not bear to hear him disposed of in such a manner⁠—he had moreover some little respect for himself⁠—and could as ill bear with the indignity offered to himself in it.

Had Dr. Slop cut any part about him, but his thumb⁠⸺⁠my father had pass’d it by⁠—his prudence had triumphed: as it was, he was determined to have his revenge.

Small curses, Dr. Slop , upon great occasions, quoth my father (condoling with him first upon the accident), are but so much waste of our strength and soul’s health to no manner of purpose.⁠—I own it, replied Dr. Slop .⁠—They are like sparrow-shot, quoth my uncle Toby (suspending his whistling), fired against a bastion.⁠⸺⁠They serve, continued my father, to stir the humours⁠⸺⁠but carry off none of their acrimony:⁠—for my own part, I seldom swear or curse at all⁠—I hold it bad⁠⸺⁠but if I fall into it by surprise, I generally retain so much presence of mind (right, quoth my uncle Toby ) as to make it answer my purpose⁠⸺⁠that is, I swear on till I find myself easy. A wise and a just man however would always endeavour to proportion the vent given to these humours, not only to the degree of them stirring within himself⁠—but to the size and ill intent of the offence upon which they are to fall.⁠—“ Injuries come only from the heart ,”⁠—quoth my uncle Toby . For this reason, continued my father, with the most Cervantick gravity, I have the greatest veneration in the world for that gentleman, who, in distrust of his own discretion in this point, sat down and composed (that

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