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nydus/The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, GentlemanPublic

A man describes his birth and upbringing through the adventures of his family.

Page 587 of 810
Table of Contents

I

hold of my hand as I finished my story⁠⸺⁠

But there is no living , Eugenius , replied I, at this rate; for as this son of a whore has found out my lodgings⁠⸺⁠

—You call him rightly, said Eugenius ,⁠—for by sin, we are told, he enter’d the world⁠⸺⁠I care not which way he enter’d, quoth I, provided he be not in such a hurry to take me out with him⁠—for I have forty volumes to write, and forty thousand things to say and do which no body in the world will say and do for me, except thyself; and as thou seest he has got me by the throat (for Eugenius could scarce hear me speak across the table), and that I am no match for him in the open field, had I not better, whilst these few scatter’d spirits remain, and these two spider legs of mine (holding one of them up to him) are able to support me⁠—had I not better, Eugenius , fly for my life? ’Tis my advice, my dear Tristram , said Eugenius ⁠—Then by heaven! I will lead him a dance he little thinks of⁠⸺⁠for I will gallop, quoth I, without looking once behind me, to the banks of the Garonne ; and if I hear him clattering at my heels⁠⸺⁠I’ll scamper away to mount Vesuvius ⁠⸺⁠from thence to Joppa , and from Joppa to the world’s end; where, if he follows me, I pray God he may break his neck⁠⸺⁠

—He runs more risk there , said Eugenius , than thou.

Eugenius’s wit and affection brought blood into the cheek from whence it had been some months banish’d⁠⸺’twas a vile moment to bid adieu in; he led me to my chaise⁠⸺⁠ Allons! said I; the postboy gave a crack with his whip⁠⸺⁠off I went like a cannon, and in half a dozen bounds got into Dover .

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