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nydus/The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, GentlemanPublic

A man describes his birth and upbringing through the adventures of his family.

Page 661 of 810
Table of Contents

XLIII

I had not gone above two leagues and a half, before the man with his gun began to look at his priming.

I had three several times loiter’d terribly behind; half a mile at least every time; once, in deep conference with a drum-maker, who was making drums for the fairs of Baucaira and Tarascone ⁠—I did not understand the principles⁠⸺⁠

The second time, I cannot so properly say, I stopp’d⁠⸺⁠for meeting a couple of Franciscans straitened more for time than myself, and not being able to get to the bottom of what I was about⁠⸺⁠I had turn’d back with them⁠⸺⁠

The third, was an affair of trade with a gossip, for a hand-basket of Provence figs for four sous; this would have been transacted at once; but for a case of conscience at the close of it; for when the figs were paid for, it turn’d out, that there were two dozen of eggs cover’d over with vine-leaves at the bottom of the basket⁠—as I had no intention of buying eggs⁠—I made no sort of claim of them⁠—as for the space they had occupied⁠—what signified it? I had figs enow for my money⁠⸺⁠

—But it was my intention to have the basket⁠—it was the gossip’s intention to keep it, without which, she could do nothing with her eggs⁠⸺⁠and unless I had the basket, I could do as little with my figs, which were too ripe already, and most of ’em burst at the side: this brought on a short contention, which terminated in sundry proposals, what we should both do⁠⸺⁠

⸺⁠How we disposed of our eggs and figs, I defy you, or the Devil himself, had he not been there (which I am persuaded he was), to form

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