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nydus/The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, GentlemanPublic

A man describes his birth and upbringing through the adventures of his family.

Page 412 of 810
Table of Contents

I

the world⁠—the miracle of nature, as Zoroaster in his book περι φύσεως called him⁠—the Shekinah of the divine presence, as Chrysostom⁠⸺⁠the image of God, as Moses⁠⸺⁠the ray of divinity, as Plato⁠—the marvel of marvels , as Aristotle⁠—to go sneaking on at this pitiful⁠—pimping⁠—pettifogging rate?

I scorn to be as abusive as Horace upon the occasion⁠⸻but if there is no catachresis in the wish, and no sin in it, I wish from my soul, that every imitator in Great Britain , France , and Ireland , had the farcy for his pains; and that there was a good farcical house, large enough to hold⁠—aye⁠—and sublimate them, shag rag and bobtail , male and female, all together: and this leads me to the affair of Whiskers ⁠⸺⁠but, by what chain of ideas⁠—I leave as a legacy in mortmain to Prudes and Tartufs, to enjoy and make the most of.

Upon Whiskers

I’m sorry I made it⁠⸺’twas as inconsiderate a promise as ever entered a man’s head⁠⸺⁠A chapter upon whiskers! alas! the world will not bear it⁠—’tis a delicate world⁠⸺⁠but I knew not of what mettle it was made⁠—nor had I ever seen the underwritten fragment; otherwise, as surely as noses are noses, and whiskers are whiskers still (let the world say what it will to the contrary); so surely would I have steered clear of this dangerous chapter.

The Fragment

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